We are not immortals
by amie689
Summary: Hiko's thoughts as he views his deshi at deaths door after returning from the fight with Shishio


**We are not immortals **

He never thought that it would come to this.

The moment he took in that small runt, with his surprising hidden strength...he had always accepted his own finite mortality… He had chosen the person who will mete out his death.

When that chosen apprentice had the unmitigated gall to leave, he was angry, no FURIOUS, but it was nothing compared to when the ignorant idiot returned and requested to complete his training, ignorant of the implications and ignorant of the undeserved honour and agony of meting out his final fate, when he had done everything possible undeserving of it.

But then his equally unbelievably idealistic friends came… and he'd once again accepted what he had accepted before.

And then the idiot **proved him wrong, AGAIN**....and he was denied **AGAIN**. But he found that this time he didn't mind accepting this change in his future plans which now appears to have infinite possibilities while entrusting his idiot apprentice to clean up his own mess which he created.

But he never expected this, never planned for this; agonizing over this stupid idiot's fate, preparing to grieve when he should have been the one grieved for.

But then everything about Kenshin had been a mass of contradictions, he expected him to die, but he had not only lived but he performed those horrible tasks normal adults would have daunting, if they even considered doing. He was too small to be Hiten Mitsurugi Ryu swordsman, but he excelled in every aspect the harsh discipline demanded of him. (He'd even managed to obtain the ougi without killing his master, an unprecedented first in the long line of Hiten Mitsurugi Ryu masters) . He'd killed hundreds and for all intents and purposes was a heartless murderer, and although he was constantly agonized his role, his soul remained pure… He was tortured as only a pure soul would be garbed in a cloth of sin, for surely a sinner would have reveled in that bloody raiment. And he had remained a swordsman without killing, for 10 years… again proving **what he, HIKO Seijurou **had often said, **WRONG**; that a sword doesn't have to be a weapon of murder and swordsmanship a way of killing… _meeting that idealistic girl was fate chiseled in stone, idiot._

_But we are not immortals. I should have taught you better._

_But then again, maybe you know that only too well; maybe all those lives lost, by your hand or lost in saving you taught you too well the fragility of life, the finite term of mortality. So much so that you seek to do as much as possible, bear the burden of humanity's sins if you must, regardless the expense, to redeem yourself of sins others would have just passed as a product of times, before your time comes. _

_But,… even after all that's happened, knowing who you are, what you are,.. knowing there was nothing I could have done to change the reality of YOU, __**I do wish,... if only, that it is me lying there… **_

A/N: I didn't intentionally start out writing out this fiction. I needed to flesh out Hiko's thoughts so that I could pin down his facial expression as he was looking at Kenshin at deaths door after his fight with Shishio, for my fan art.

The normal font text is when his thoughts are not deliberate flow of thoughts; italics are when he's speaking to Kenshin in his mind, bold to the reflect his anger or strong feelings. I deliberately kept both in third person for the most part, because its not conscious thought and you don't need names when you're thinking to yourself. So 'he' is himself or Kenshin; he refers to Kenshin as he or idiot, except the one paragraph, when he couldn't help but acknowledge Kenshin as a worthy individual.

I hope its not too confusing.

The others are not in this scene as presumably they finally submitted to having their own injuries treated when the heroes returned. Besides, they wouldn't have allowed Kaoru around…just in case the prognosis worsened. At least that is the normal procedure and what I would have done.

I debated about having Hiko calling Kenshin 'son' at the end, but I think theirs is more than a father and relationship-There are a lot of things between them which they both acknowledged, but doesn't need to be said. For Hiko.... his wish, I think is enough. 


End file.
